Beyond #memyselfandi: Trending modesty in a selfie world

“Beyond #memyselfandi : Trending modesty in a selfie world”

Sun.Star Davao, Nov. 30, 2013

Breaking news!

            The Oxford Dictionaries recently announced that selfie is their international Word of the Year for 2013.  Selfie is “a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media site”.

            Selfie as a word or expression had such a phenomenal impact worldwide that its use has increased by 17,000% since this time last year.

            A few weeks before Oxford Dictionaries’ announcement, I received an invitation from the Davao Christian High School’s Student Council to be one of the speakers for their “Words of Wisdom (WOW) Day”. The topic assigned to me was modesty.

            Since I would be speaking to 143 high school girls, I wanted to think of a title that was relevant yet catchy to them. Then came a light bulb moment - what if I emphasized the importance of modesty in this selfie generation?

And, so, my final title became “Beyond #memyselfandi : Trending Modesty in a Selfie World”.

The girl who loves her #selfie

            I began my talk by showing a satirical video entitled “The girl who loves her #selfie”--an amusing story about a pretty but vain lady’s extreme love for selfies. Do watch it on YouTube, if you have time.

            I explained after the video that I had nothing against selfies. As someone who is active on social media sites such as Facebook and occasionally, Instagram, I would see friends and celebrities doing their selfies and #OOTD (outfit of the day) posts and that was fine with me. As a popular Filipino expression goes, “Walang basagan ng trip!”. But, honestly, I do get bothered when acquaintances and friends post selfies one after the other to the point that it dominates my news feed. Relate much?

           

            Modesty is defined as “lack of pretentiousness; simplicity; freedom from vanity or conceit; regard for decency of speech, behavior and dress; and the quality or state of being unassuming in the estimation of one’s abilities.”

           

            An excessive fascination for selfies, however, contradicts the very essence of the value of modesty.

#modestystories

            Modesty is something that is very personal to me. My various experiences with people; work; and certain events have shaped my beliefs regarding its value.

            I shared to the students how when I was in grade school and college, I had classmates who were of prominent families but these friends were even more unpretentious, simple and down-to-earth than those who were not as materially blessed.

One of the humble people I also highlighted was Dylan Wilk who used to be the 9^th richest man in England under 30 years old when he built his computer game empire. But, Dylan, chose to live a more modest but meaningful life by being a Gawad Kalinga volunteer in the Philippines. And, now, together with his wife Anna and sister-in-law Camille Meloto, they operate Human Nature, the Philippines’ largest brand of genuinely natural personal care, cosmetics and home care products. The company is driven by the core philosophies of being Pro-Philippines, Pro-Poor and Pro-Environment.

In addition, I related my memorable experience working for the City Government of Davao where I met many amazing high profile individuals (which included my former boss Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte) who remained modest, in spite of their titles and achievements. They encouraged me to take public service seriously and become more humble. Knowing that I was in the spotlight because of my position as Davao City Tourism Officer, I even became extra careful with my speech, behavior and even how I dressed.

Miley Cyrus version 2.0

            My all-girl audience for the talk grew up idolizing Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana on Disney Channel.

            As I showed flashback photos of Hannah Montana, I could hear the students giggling excitedly as they relived wonderful childhood memories.

            In an article entitled “Is Modesty the Best Policy?” by Claire Kincaid, the writer revealed that “in 2010, Miley ranked in the top three percent among celebrities in influence and trend-setting, according to the Country Brand Index, an index that rates more than 3,000 celebrities around the world in seven categories”.

However, after her shocking performance at the MTV Video Music Awards where she stripped down into nude latex underwear and did the notorious twerking, “she is now in the bottom 20 percent of the CBI ranking for influence and trend-setting, as well as the bottom one percent for trust, breakthrough, aspiration, endorsement, and appeal”.

            And, just this week, I watched on TV that Miley was chosen as one of “the least influential people of 2013” by GQ magazine.

In this age where modesty is often given a negative connotation by the “cool crowd”, the public’s reaction to the new Miley proves that modesty is still powerful and controls respect.

Why dress modestly

           

Do you know that a study by Princeton University found that when men saw women in bikinis, the part of the brain associated with the same excitement when they see a set of shiny tools also lit up and the part of the brain that deals with processing another’s thoughts or intentions completely shut down?

When men viewed women who were immodestly dressed, they didn’t see them as people, but as objects. In this subtle and indirect way, women are “objectified”.

            The Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton is a certified fashionista, conservative and modest in her choice of attire but never frumpy. In fact, Kate is one of Time Magazine’s “100 Most Influential People of 2013” and is associated with class, beauty and power.

           

I emphasized to the girls that “as they cover up, their influence and power get to shine” but if they dress scantily, whether they like it or not, they get sexual attention – the wrong kind of attention!

I also took the opportunity to remind the students that being modest means that they don’t have to announce to the whole world “who” they are wearing through frequent #OOTDs. They must be confident and secure enough to mix and match department store and tiangge finds with branded apparel. They don’t have to go “branded” all the way to feel good about themselves.

Humble brag

            Have you heard of the term “humble brag”?

         

            Humble brag is “when you consciously try to get away with bragging about yourself by couching it in a phony show of humility or with a “woe is me” twist”. This is common on Facebook and Instagram:

            Some examples from the net:

  

            “I am exhausted from my two week vacation in Hawaii. I need a vacation!”

          “Just stepped on gum. Who spits gum on the red carpet?" 

         “Uggggh…Just ate about fifteen pieces of chocolate. Gotta learn to control myself when flying  first class or they'll cancel my modelling contract. LOL“

“Lawyer friends, I need your help. I was recently offered a spot at both Harvard and Princeton’s law schools, and I’m not sure how to go about this. Which one is better in your opinion? Thanks, guys.” 

            If you have a milestone or a happy event, do share. Many people will be more than willing to cheer you on. But, if your intention is to subtly brag about your fantastic life, your uber talented and smart kids, your expensive stuff, etc., think first before posting, or better yet, don’t post.

            I continued my talk by citing some remarkable DCHS alumni who served as teachers and principals in the school as their ministry. They were brilliant yet unassuming. I mentioned that, for me, these were the people who deserved to be the role models of today’s generation, not Miley Cyrus version 2.0.

            And, of course, the ultimate example of modesty is Jesus Christ who came to this world in a lowly manger. Jesus was strong but meek, secure but compassionate, wise yet selfless. He lived this kind of a life, even upon death by the worst possible way - crucifixion.

I ended my talk by challenging the young students to start practicing modesty in their lives by reflecting on how they dressed, acted and talked. I encouraged them to go beyond “#memyselfandi” and make a positive difference in this world.

            It was truly an honor to be able to share my thoughts on modesty to the future leaders of our society and I congratulate the DCHS Student Council for their successful Words of Wisdom (WOW) Day!

            My sincerest thanks go out to my ever supportive DCHS Parents-Teachers Fellowship co-officers Sharon Mangaoil, Vilma Gerona, Mila Aceron, Yvonne Cabada, and Julie Tiu for conducting the fun-filled modesty fashion workshop after my talk.

            A million thanks to Krispy Kreme for sponsoring the delicious doughnuts during the talk. 

            Some photos are courtesy of Google Images.

  E-mail the author at mom.about.town.dvo@gmail.com. Visit www.momabouttowndavao.blogspot.com.

Image via www.dothegreenthing.com

10 TIPS FOR TEENS ON HOW TO STAY GROUNDED:

(Inspired by the article, “5 Ways to Stay Grounded After Becoming Successful”, www.femmelounge.org)

1.STAY IN CONTACT.

Cherish your old friends and family. These are the people who will genuinely watch your back. They will remind you of what you used to be and will let you know if you are turning into something bad. They will be your true critics who help you stay connected to your old self.

2.REMIND YOURSELF OF LIFE’S UNPREDICTABILITY.
Always remember that life is extremely unpredictable and uncertain. Just because you are successful now does not guarantee that you will continue to be so 5 years from now. If you keep reminding yourself that things can change for the worse, then you will think twice before you fill yourself with pride.

3.KNOW THERE ARE THINGS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SUCCESS.
When success colors your vision, try to remind yourself that there are people and things that are way more important than what you are striving for. This will help you stay connected to things that actually matter.

4.DO NOT FORGET THE BAD TIMES.
Reminding yourself of the bad times, your failures, will help you appreciate your successes with humility and gratitude. Failures let us keep our egos in check.

5.EXPOSE YOURSELF TO PEOPLE FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE.

This will teach you how to respect and understand different kinds of people. One of the best ways to check a person’s character is to see how he or she treats and speaks to people who do not have money or fame. At the same time, by being exposed to people “above you”, you are also reminded that there are people better than you so don’t be too proud of yourself!.

6.TAKE AWAY THE FOCUS ON YOURSELF.

Be other-centered and not self-centered. Get involved in meaningful activities. If we are not too self-absorbed, we will have more time to serve others and God. To be modest, the way we speak and act, should not call attention to ourselves but others. It is to walk in humility, being meek and unassuming. But, being meek doesn’t mean one is weak. In fact, it just proves that the person is self-confident because he/she doesn’t have to always prove himself to others.

7. CHOOSE YOUR ROLE MODELS CAREFULLY.

Pick someone who acts, speaks and dresses modestly. Try to emulate them. In the same manner, be a good role model to others. If you have a powerful influence in school or in social media, use this to promote worthwhile activities, to build others up and not pull them down.

8. LIVE WITHIN OR BELOW YOUR MEANS.

Don’t be too attached to material belongings. Remember, to have less is to live more. Be comfortable with what you own whether it’s branded or not.

9. EXPLORE YOUR WORLD.

Get out of your home. Travel to other places. Broaden your experiences. Don’t be afraid to try novel things. When you go out of your comfort zone, you grow and with this new knowledge and experience, you are reminded that you are not the center of the universe.

10. ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL.
Instead of being full of arrogance and pride, try being grateful. This feeling of gratitude will help you stay humble. Never forget those who helped you achieve your goals and be forever thankful to them. And, always, always give back the glory to God when you experience success.

Bento Mommas

“Bento Mommas”

Sun.Star Davao, Nov. 16, 2013

            One time, my college friend’s grade school child Nino lost his lunchbox in school. 

However, it didn’t take long before the missing lunchbox was returned to its rightful owner. Just by checking its contents, his classmates automatically knew it was Nino’s. Why?

It’s because Nino’s themed bento “baons” have become his signature trademark. You see, the 9-year old boy is the fortunate son of a passionate and creative bento-making mom!

According to Wikipedia, bento is a “single-portion takeout or home-packed meal common in Japanese cuisine”. It can be elaborately arranged in a style called “kyaraben” (character bento) or “oekakiben” (picture bento). Japanese homemakers often spend time deliberately preparing the lunchbox of their spouse, child or for themselves.

In the Philippines, this artistic practice has caught several moms’ fancy as well.

One such mom is my Manila-based friend Moneigh who is the co-founder of Bento Mommas (BM), a bento hobby group which is comprised of five moms based in the Philippines and abroad.

The other BMs are April from the National Capital Region (NCR), whose kids are Austin, 15 and David, 6; Kaye (from NCR, with kids Alexa, 11 and Riley, 4); Mia (from Cagayan de Oro City with kids Nadine, 12; Raya, 10; Alyssa, 6; and Cerise, 3); and Olive (from the USA with kids Patricia, 23 and Iñigo, 8)

“We’ve been long-time friends — progressing from hobbies such as baking, blogging and scrapbooking memories of family milestones, and now, to doing themed lunchboxes for our kids”, shares Moneigh.

The rationale behind their group was initially just to exchange bento tips and encouragement. Now, their Facebook page has expanded to offer weekly design challenges, bento resources, and just recently, online shopping.

Via e-mail, I recently had an interview with this inspiring group of moms as they shared their bento-making experiences and tips:

Why did you decide to make bento lunches for your kids?

One of our primary reasons for getting into bento-making is to expand the food choices of our children because some of them are picky eaters, while the others have food allergies. Bento-making has helped us introduce a wider and healthier range of food choices to our kids. This, together with our fascination with the Japanese art of bento-making, got us into the hobby.

Is bento-making your creative outlet?

Definitely! The members of the group love arts and crafts. Most of us are into scrapbooking and baking, while one of us is the pioneer of customized diaper cakes in the country, so bento-making was a natural progression of our interest in all things D-I-Y.

How long does it take you to make a bento box?

Depending on the complexity of the bento design, it usually takes about 15-30 minutes to finish a bento box. What has worked for most of us is advanced food and theme planning for the week, and doing the food décor, cutting and molding the night before.

 How do you choose your design/theme for the day?

Our themes are usually influenced by our kids’ favorite cartoon characters, superheroes or video games. We have also drawn up a list of weekly themes which we use as basis for our bentos. You may view photos of our weekly themed bentos via the hashtag #bentomommas and #inbentors on Instagram.

So far, what are the themes that you’ve tried in making your bentos?

Our bento “staples” are popular figures from Disney, Marvel, Nickelodeon and Sanrio. Some of our bentos are also inspired by special occasions like Halloween or Christmas, as well as current events such as the Pork Barrel issue, the FIBA and UAAP championships, and just recently, Typhoon Yolanda.

How do you balance your time in preparing bentos and going to work?

Bento-making can be a challenge especially for working moms who have to wake up really early in the morning after a long work day. But rather than be stressed about it, we actually find this hobby an exciting opportunity to exercise our creativity. Bento-making has also proven to be a wonderful venue to meet new people who share the same passion (or addiction) as ours.

We usually wake up really early—around 4 or 5 am—to prepare the bento of the day. Each bento is based on a menu we plan and shop for, at the beginning of the week. We also do some of the designing, cutting and carving the night before. While the task seems a bit overwhelming and time-consuming, to us, it is actually an excellent way to de-stress.

Where do you buy your tools/props in making your bento?

Bento-making need not be an expensive hobby. A “decent” bento can be achieved with really basic tools—i.e. just one spill-proof food container, a handful of colorful food organizers, some basic cutters, and a few decorative picks.

All these are washable and reusable. These can be sourced from Bento Mommas (http://www.facebook.com/bentomommas) which offers special bento tools and kits in small, meaningful quantities—sourced locally and abroad. Bento items can also be bought from some Japanese and baking stores found in the country.

The most important tools come dirt cheap -- free in fact. They’re called imagination, creativity and a sense of humor.

Are most food groups represented in your bento lunch?

We, Bento Mommas, usually pack bentos following the “Go, Grow and Glow” principle. This means that our kids’ lunchboxes contain a combination of any of the following:

·         1 portion of Go foods (rice, bread, pasta, corn, etc.) 

·         1 portion of Grow foods (chicken, pork, beef, fish, egg, cheese etc.) 

·         2 portions of Glow foods (fruits and vegetables) 

We also put in a bit of cereal, chips, chocolates and gummies that serve as treats as well as accents of the bento box.

Did your bento lunches improve the way your kids eat?

Yes, it has improved our kids’ appetite and has helped them become more adventurous in their food choices. The greatest incentive of this hobby is seeing our kids’ empty lunchboxes at the end of each school day.

What do your kid’s classmates say about his/her bento lunch?

Our kids’ classmates would always crowd around to check out their “baon”. Some teachers have even taken pictures of our kids’ lunchboxes.

Interest in our themed lunches has since grown beyond the confines of our kids' classrooms. In fact, BM Kaye has already been invited to conduct workshops in a preschool and a private group of moms. We also have another workshop by BM Moneigh scheduled on November 16. Also, we've been invited to be one of the booth exhibitors at Miriam College's upcoming Family Day.

Membership of our Facebook page has also grown. From just the five of us, we now have close to 800 community members from different parts of the world who share the same love for bento making.

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BENTO ON!

Some might say that nutrition should always be the priority and that themed meals are unnecessary and frivolous. However, the Bento Mommas firmly believe that achieving both nutrition and aesthetics is fun, easy and doable!

Here is a list of tools you'd need to jumpstart your bento hobby: (Source: http://nappykaye.blogspot.com)

BENTO BOX -- one that is sturdy and spill-proof. Depending on your needs, you may choose among a wide array of one or multi-tiered boxes; plain, patterned or character bento boxes. The options are limitless.

SILICON CUPS -- keep food separated (if you are using a bento box sans dividers). It is also a great way to regulate food portions.

BARANS OR FOOD DIVIDERS -- come in a variety of colors, designs, shapes and sizes. Usually in food-grade plastic or silicone, these keep food and flavors separated while adding a bit of color and flair to every bento box.

FOOD PICKS -- serve as skewers for meat, veggie and fruit morsels. They are a brilliant way to add a touch of sunshine and fun to every bento box.

SAUCE BOTTLES/CONTAINERS -- made of food-grade plastic, these serve as spill-proof containers for ketchup, mayo and other seasonings. Since they come in various shapes and designs, they also help spice up your bento-box.

RICE/ONIGIRI MOLDS -- very useful in molding rice or noodles into specific shapes like stars, hearts, bears, etc.

DECO CUTTERS – come in various shapes and sizes, these serve as cutting patterns for ham, carrots, cheese, fruits and vegetables. There are small plastic of stainless cutters specifically designed for bento-making but you may also use cookie cutters. There are also a variety of cutters that help mold bread into different shapes and sizes.

NORI PUNCHERS -- help make clean faces and details from nori sheets which may be used as décor for your rice balls and food shapes. Punchers come in different shapes as well. You can even use paper punchers or scrapbooking ones, as long as you make sure they're used exclusively for food. When using punchers for nori, you have to make sure you clean them well after each use, or else they will get dull.

HAND-HELD TOOLS SUCH AS BLADES AND TWEEZERS -- make cutting and nori-handling easier, especially when carving fruits and vegetables. Tweezers are very helpful in applying eyes and small pieces on your character bentos (“charaben” or “kyaraben”). If you have to choose just 3 hand-held tools, we suggest getting the blade; a nice, sharp pair of micro-tip scissors for cutting nori; and a handy pair of food tweezers.

CONDIMENT PENS/SQUEEZE BOTTLES -- are used for writing or drawing with sauces like mayonnaise and ketchup. The best way to control what goes into your drawing or writing is by using a condiment pen or a squeeze bottle with a fine tip

Aside from these tools, you can also stock up on egg molds, sausage shapers, hand-held hole punchers (in different sizes), small bento boxes (that can go into the bigger boxes - to hold soup), plastic wrappers, toothpicks, small spoon and fork sets, chopsticks, straws—all designed to add more flair to your bento box.

Once you have the basic tools on hand, you may start with your bento. Here are the steps:

1)      Pack a bento with your desired combination of carbohydrates (rice, bread, pasta, corn, etc.), protein (chicken, pork, beef, fish, egg, etc.) and vitamins and minerals (fruits and vegetables). You may use leftovers and whatever you have in your pantry. Plan your bentos in tandem with the daily menu of the household. That way, you can be sure that you have enough food for your kids’ lunchboxes for the next school day.

2)      Keep your lunchbox tightly-packed to keep food from shuffling around. You can use bilimbi or “kamias” to fill in the spaces in your bento.

3)      Use photos of other bentos as inspiration. However, don't let them limit your creativity!

4)      It won't hurt to collect bento tools. Hoard if you must—from the Bento Mommas online store!  (“Pardon the shameless plugging!” – BM Moneigh)

             For more information, you may reach Bento Mommas through their Facebook page (/bentomommas). You may also follow them on Instagram (@thebentomommas) or e-mail them at bentomommas@gmail.com.

All bento photos featured in the article are creations of the Bento Mommas.

E-mail the author at mom.about.town.dvo@gmail.com. Visit www.momabouttowndavao.blogspot.com.